Spatula News, Bulletins and Public Service Announcments
Authorities are on the lookout for Doc "Wild Stir" Derango, a known spatula thief and possible kingpin of the infamous spatula crime family of Dacron, Ohio. A reward has been offered for information leading to his arrest and capture. Be warned, his stirring hand is said to be lightening fast, so please do not try to apprehend him yourself. Call the head chef instead.
REWARD
Your choice, lovely set of replacement spatulas or tin of cupcakes
Posing as a harmless door-to-door cooking pot model offering free spatula refurbsihment, Rose Lee Mixerupper has smooth-talked her way into people's kitchens only to steal their most valuable spatulas. The public is alerted to this scam and asked to keep an eye out for Rose Lee. She should be considered unscrupulous and inept at mixing reality with fluffy frosting.
Marlin Match claims to be to able to set spatulas on fire using only the power of his mind. He has been observed to cause many different types of spatulas to spontaneously combust - much to the delight of his fanatic followers and to the chagrin of the local fire department. If he approaches while you are using a spatula, stop, drop and stir quickly.
REMEMBER!!!
Professor Plum of Swirly College lectures weekly on the proper use of spatulas and their role in American history. He was award the twisted dough award in 2012 for his insightful treatise entitled: "spatulas in the age of raisin bread."